I created this technique in the first year after my Narcissist husband and I separated.
One day I got sick of always feeling sad or angry, thinking about things my ex had done. I realized it was like I was letting my ex CONTINUE to make me suffer every day, EVERY MINUTE that I thought about him, even though he was not in my life anymore! This made me angry. I decided there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to let him win! He’d love it if he knew I was suffering every day because of him. Well he could go eff himself. I was going to be HAPPY, dammit.
I decided to use what I’d learned about self-talk, visualization, and cognitive behavioural therapy to ACTIVELY CHANGE MY THOUGHTS.
I wrote this on a poster and put it on my wall, and each time I realized I was thinking about my ex, I read it out loud:
” I LOVE the peace I have in my life now. I LOVE my FREEDOM. I am free to live my life in the exact way that makes me happy.”
I started with that. After a while, I added this:
“I am surrounded by people who SEE me and value me for exactly who I am. The people in my life are loving, healthy, and positive, and they care about my happiness.”
A few months later in my learning journey, I added this:
“I love the wisdom I have gained through all my life experiences. Everything that has happened in my life has brought me to this point of clarity and wisdom. I’m so grateful for the valuable learning I’ve been given. My life is now EASY, free, and peaceful.”
Over time, I have been able to shift my habitual thoughts so they are mostly positive.
It was hard in the beginning but it has become easier and easier, with practice. And now, I feel like I’m living in a whole new world. A world that is always making life easy and happy for me.
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