Thoughts about pithy New Age quotes that say,
“WE ATTRACT WHO WE ARE.”
Here’s my pithy Silvia quote about that:
“JUST SAY NO TO BULLSHIT.”
I read a fascinating article by a marriage counsellor a couple years ago. Apparently, there are two basic kinds of partners in relationships: Givers and Takers.
The article said that all Takers look for a Giver.
Sometimes Givers get lucky and end up with each other.
Takers NEVER pair off with another Taker.
Takers are actively on the lookout for Givers.
Takers know how to spot another Taker and they AVOID them.
Givers are naive, trusting, etc., and not nearly as observant as Takers. So they often end up manipulated and used by Takers. They end up in a marriage, giving, giving and forgiving, and assuming that some day their partner will give back. Meanwhile, the Takers are laughing at how good they’ve got it.
So newsflash, New Agey peeps with your faux-wisdom:
GIVERS ATTRACT TAKERS. We don’t attract shitty people because we are shitty. We attract shitty people because we’re GOOD and GIVING and Takers are constantly on the hunt for us. Lamb, meet Wolf.
So, lofty New Agey types, take your condescending bullshit somewhere else and stop making Beautiful Givers feel EVEN WORSE about what has been done to them.
That being said,
I believe that Givers do become less naive and more aware, after several decades of living in Hell with Takers. Also I think that a lot of Givers are Givers for two main reasons.
1) They were born WITH A SOUL (unlike Takers).
2) Their dysfunctional families trained them to be Givers.
I suppose there are balanced, psychologically healthy Givers in the world, who came from healthy families and were not trained to feel that the only time anyone would notice or value them is when they were giving, sacrificing and helping. Healthy Givers’ families probably valued and loved them unconditionally and expressed their delight in the child’s uniqueness. So those Givers grew up knowing their worth and not allowing abuse.
I think the healthy Givers probably can see the truth about a Taker and break free more quickly than Givers who have been “trained.”
In one sense it’s accurate to say it “takes two” and we “allow” the Takers to take. But really, how much free will does a person have, when they’ve been trained from birth that their job in life is to give their all and expect nothing?
More importantly…
Being a victim of evil is bad enough without being told by some smug fucking faux-spiritual person that we attracted the evil because we ARE evil. So JUST SAY NO to THAT bullshit!
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