[Disclaimer: Sorry about sweary Angel 4. Not sure where he came from.]
SCENE: The morning after something terrible has been done by evil people.
ANGEL 3: You have a choice about how you will feel today.
ANGEL 2: Don’t EVEN start, Three! NOT today.
ANGEL 1: No, Two. Let her speak. This should be amusing.
Go ahead, Three, show us how you’re gonna spin this into a positive.
ANGEL 4: KILL THE BAD GUYS!
ANGEL 3: Oh, Four! That’s not helpful.
ANGEL 2: Speak for yourself, Prissface. It helps ME feel better.
ANGEL 1: So, Three, about this “choice.”
ANGEL 2: Ooo, air quotes.
ANGEL 3: This situation is like any other hardship in life. So the choice is –
ANGEL 2: Are you on DRUGS?!! It is the MOTHER of all hardships! It’s not the same at ALL!
ANGEL 4: Mother of all motherfuckers!
ANGEL 3: Is it really necessary to use “Mother” in a swear word?
ANGEL 2: I am going to hit you now, Three. I really am. I’m gonna smack the priss right off your face.
ANGEL 1: Everyone, just SHUT IT!
(Silence. Everyone looks nervously at One.)
ANGEL 1: Okay. Now. Cut to the chase, Three. Let’s hear your kum ba yah spin. I could use a good laugh this morning.
ANGEL 3: We have two main choices. We can let ourselves be sucked into a vortex of rage, despair, fear, crying, complaining, arguing, and imagining terrible things in the future, all day long.
Or…
We can take control of our thoughts, refuse to be dragged down by negative emotions, and –
ANGEL 2: What ARE you?! Some kind of alien POD creature?!! What sane person would NOT be FUCKING FURIOUS at the absolute EVIL, UNFAIRNESS, and ARROGANTLY BLATANT FUCKERY of what they’re doing?!! If you are not burning with rage over what’s going on right now, do you even have a soul?
ANGEL 4: KILL THE BAD GUYS!
ANGEL 2: Yes! But make them SUFFER first!
ANGEL 4: Make them SUFFERRRRRRR!
ANGEL 3: I didn’t say I’m not angry about this. Of course I am.
ANGEL 2: Really? Because it sounds to me like you’re saying we should all be like, “Oh dear, well THAT happened. But la la la, I just want to be happy so I’m not going to think about it. La la la. Kittens and rainbows.”
ANGEL 1: So, Three. Tell me something. What happens to all the anger? Do you just sweep it under a rug somewhere?
ANGEL 3: You tell ME something, One. Which kind of emotion would you rather feel? Anger or joy? No don’t answer. Because any answer other than “joy,” is bullshit.
ANGEL 2: Okay, NOW can I hit her?
ANGEL 1: Of COURSE we all want to feel joy. But the question is, how CAN you feel joy instead of anger when sociopaths get away with evil?
ANGEL 4: Death to the sociopaths! Rip their heads off!
ANGEL 1: Just tell me, Three. In an intelligent, practical, nuts and bolts, step-by-step explanation. HOW does a normal person CHOOSE to be happy in a situation like this?
ANGEL 2: Yeah, tell us! Because we don’t all live in an imaginary fairyland in our head, the way YOU do, Three. Oh look! That unicorn just farted a rainbow!
ANGEL 1: And I have another question. How is it helping anything, if we all just selfishly tune out REALITY and hide in our own little bubbles of happy thoughts? Meanwhile, allowing the evil sociopaths to continue their fuckery and destruction.
ANGEL 3: You guys are making a lot of assumptions and getting this all wrong. But you’ve raised some important points. If you could be quiet for a minute, I’ll try to explain.
First of all, anger is a normal, healthy reaction to evil and injustice. I never said we are wrong to feel angry.
Second, I never said we should hide in a bubble and do nothing.
Third, this is not about sweeping anything under the rug.
So.
Here is what I know from my own experience and from quantum physics.
ANGEL 2: Oh fuck, not this again. Let ME tell it, so we’re not here all day. Yada yada visualize blah blah frequency yada yada focus on positive blah blah energy.
There.
Are we done now?
ANGEL 3: Fuck off, Two.
ANGEL 2: Ooooo. The gloves come off. Are you CHOOSING to feel angry, Three?
ANGEL 4: Fight! Fight!
ANGEL 1: All of you, just stop it. Shut UP, Two and Four! Nuts and bolts, Three. Nuts and bolts.
ANGEL 3: Okay, but if anyone interrupts me, I’m giving up on all of you.
ANGEL 2: Give up on us? Is that an option? Please say yes please say yes.
ANGEL 3 (glares at Two, then turns to One): So you’ve mentioned a few things. Anger. Allowing the evil sociopaths to continue destroying people’s lives and the planet. Allowing fuckery to continue. Tuning out reality and hiding in a bubble. Selfishness.
I should probably start by explaining clearly what this is NOT. Because you guys have assumed a few things about it, which are NOT accurate.
It’s NOT about accepting evil shit and doing nothing about it.
It’s NOT about selfishly hiding in your own bubble and doing nothing to help others.
It’s NOT about ignoring your justifiable, healthy anger and shoving it somewhere deep inside to fester.
It’s NOT about ignoring reality.
First let’s talk about anger. Of course any person with a brain and a soul would feel angry right now. The healthy thing to do is feel anger, express it, and process it.
Psychologists tell us that in order to ignore healthy, justified anger, we must disconnect from our emotions. People cannot selectively disconnect, so we end up feeling kind of numb about all of life. Less alive. And the anger is stored inside, like toxic nuclear waste, waiting to surface out of control, and often causing us to feel depressed or have chronic health problems.
The key is to process the anger and not feel it forever. At some point, staying in anger stops being healthy and becomes unhealthy. What amount of time is healthy, for venting, raging, complaining, and processing anger? Who knows?
What Two said brings up the point that it’s very hard to turn off angry emotions. Or any emotions. But it CAN be done. Although it’s not healthy to ignore and suppress anger, you CAN process it and let it go. It takes motivation and practice.
I guess step one is to LET yourself feel the anger, without feeling guilt over being angry. You need time and maybe help from a therapist, to process the anger.
The next step — AFTER you have processed the anger — is to switch your focus away from anger, venting, complaining, etc., and toward something constructive and positive.
What works for me is to think of actions I can take to remove, or change, or solve the problem that is the cause of my anger.
ANGEL 2: Let’s “remove” all the sociopaths.
ANGEL 4: Kill the Bad Guys!
ANGEL 1: Shut up, you guys. Let Three speak.
ANGEL 3: Thank you, One. Your support means a lot to –
ANGEL 1: Just hurry up and finish your explanation.
ANGEL 3: Fine.
Anyway.
It helps to get clear about control. How much control do you have over the thing that is causing your anger? Are there any practical, realistic actions you can take in order to remove/change/solve the cause of your anger? If there are any actions you can take, brainstorm solutions. Then make an action plan to implement the solutions. Put these actions into a schedule, on your calendar.
Each time you start to feel angry about the problem, remind yourself that you have scheduled an action to fix it. Know that at the appointed time in your schedule, you will think about the problem and work on fixing it. This means you are free to NOT think about it and NOT feel angry about it during the rest of the time.
If you are doing concrete things to fix a problem or situation, this means you are not passively accepting evil shit, you are not being selfish, you are not ignoring the suffering of others, you are not hiding in a bubble, and you are not being unrealistic.
Scheduling and following through on constructive action sets you free, emotionally. It allows you to be happy while also being more practical and realistic than the many people who take no action and simply focus on the negative thing 24/7.
ANGEL 1: What if you have no control over something and it’s so evil that you have a right to be angry about it every day of your life?
ANGEL 2: Like what’s happening right now!
ANGEL 4: KILL THEM! Kill the Bad Guys!
ANGEL 2: I wish someone would! Can we all pool our money and hire some hit men? They could take out all the other sociopaths while they’re at it and give us a volume discount. How’s THAT for action?!
ANGEL 3 (Ignoring Four and Two): That’s a good question, One. This is a common situation. You can be justified in feeling angry every day of your life, in ongoing situations that are cruel and unfair.
So the question you need to ask yourself is:
“No one could blame me for feeling angry all the time over this, but do I WANT to feel angry all the time?”
ANGEL 2: Okay see, this right here, is where I start to hate you, Three. No one WANTS to feel angry but there are terrible situations where people CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL ANGRY!
The last thing they need is some Pollyanna Prissface telling them to “Choose to feel happy” and making them feel even worse about themselves because they CAN’T make themselves feel happy about the shitty situation they’re in! Maybe if YOU were in their situation, YOU wouldn’t be able to feel happy either!
ANGEL 3: I used to feel exactly that way, Two. I was bitter and I complained all the time. I had good reasons to be angry. I don’t judge anyone for feeling angry.
ANGEL 2: You don’t?!
ANGEL 3: I don’t. It’s very hard to stop feeling anger (or any negative emotion) about terrible situations that are beyond our control. You can’t just one day decide, “Oh, I’m going to feel happy from now on even though my life sucks and the world has gone crazy and people are suffering everywhere.”
That would be like expecting a drug addict to easily go cold turkey without any help, and never be tempted again. Or like expecting a man with a broken leg, who has never run or worked out in his life, to suddenly hop up and run a marathon.
ANGEL 1: Nuts and bolts, Three.
ANGEL 3: First you need to make the decision for yourself. Something like this:
“I don’t want to stew in rage and negativity, even if I have a perfectly good reason to, and no one could blame me if I did. I’d rather feel happy.”
Some people need someone to validate them before they can put aside the anger. Some people go through life bitter and complaining because no one has ever said,
“That was so unfair to you. Your instincts are correct. You have been treated horribly. They were wrong to do that to you. You deserve better. You have every right to be angry. They should rot in hell for what they’ve done to you.”
After you make the decision to not stew in anger your whole life, you start training, like for a marathon. Some people can do it on their own. Some people are broken inside and need help to heal the broken leg before they can even start training for the marathon. That’s what psychologists are for.
If you’re not too broken inside, here are the first baby steps you can do on your own:
1. Spend time venting, complaining, mocking the bad guys, sharing thoughts and feelings with others who understand and are supportive.
2. If you have any control over even part of the problem, analyze it and brainstorm solutions with others.
3. When you feel like you have spent enough time venting, begin listening to guided meditations, doing yoga, writing down gratitude thoughts each morning. Raise your frequency.
4. Create a vision of what you want. Make this visualization present tense and 100% positive.
5. Write a list of constructive actions needed to create your vision. (If you don’t have any control over the situation, write the vision anyway. The Universe has a wild way of working miracles.)
6. Put the actions on your calendar. Schedule time each morning & night to speak the visualization.
7. Each time you start thinking about evil people and situations, and start feeling angry or hopeless:
a) immediately remind yourself that you have scheduled actions to help solve the problem and know that you will think about this at the scheduled time. Know that you are free to be happy the rest of the time.
b) think of 5 things in that moment that make you happy or that you feel grateful for. If you can, jot them down.
8. You can keep your vision written on a piece of paper, carried with you at all times. Read it if you start feeling anger/despair/fear.
9. Read your ideal vision out loud first thing in the morning and last thing before you sleep.
The written vision helps you get in the habit of focusing on something positive each day. It’s like training wheels. Neuroscientists have discovered that our habitual thoughts create a kind of path in our brains, but this path can be changed. It is possible, through repeating specific positive thoughts, to change a path that automatically leads us to negative thoughts and emotions, into a path that automatically leads us to happy thoughts and emotions. Repetition is the key.
No one ever won a marathon without training.
According to quantum physicists, if we focus on something we want to create, for a minimum of only 17 seconds, this activates the energy to attract it or make it happen. So writing and reading a visualization every day is scientific and effective in more than one way.
Was this nuts and bolts enough for you, One?
ANGEL 1: Give me a minute while I find ways to mock you.
ANGEL 2: I think I might dislike you a little less now.
ANGEL 4: Schedule action! Murder on Monday!
ANGEL 2 (laughing): I love you, Four!
ANGEL 1: What’s your advice to Four, oh Madame Love & Light?
ANGEL 3: More time for processing, plus help from a therapist.
ANGEL 2: But in the meantime… Four, can I give you a list of names for Murder Mondays?
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